The Business Venture
by SuperGroverAway
Summary: The Mystery Shack gang attempts to set up shop at the local Gravity Falls Farmer's Market.


"Oh yeah...just look at 'em..."

Stanford Pines rubbed his hands gleefully as he gazed about the bustling scene before him. To most, it was nothing more than an average farmer's market, chocked full of town residents browsing the various stalls and booths for freshly picked produce and locally made handicrafts. To an aggressive entrepreneur like himself, however, it was like looking upon an untapped gold mine ripe for the plundering.

"Ha! Saps as far as the eye can see." He murmured with relish. "These folks can't give their cash away fast enough. We shoulda started comin' here ages ago."

The old man whirled around and barked impatiently to his staff as they set up beneath an old patchwork tent. "C'mon, c'mon, pick up the pace! We're missing out on profit here!"

"You got it!" Soos saluted briskly before doubling his pace. Not everyone shared the chubby fellow's hefty enthusiasm, however.

"Uh...Grunkle Stan?" While he helped Wendy unpack their stock of goods, Dipper finally decided to address an issue that had been bothering him since they arrived. "This is all just the same stuff from the gift shop."

"Not today, it isn't!" Moving with surprising speed for his age, Stan slapped up a large hand-scrawled sign. "Today, the Mystery Shack is makin' bank here with our 'all-organic' knickknacks!"

Wendy gave her friend an exaggerated eye roll. The preteen sighed. "...Grunkle Stan, do you know what that even means?"

"Sure I do!" He laughed gruffly and ruffled the boy's hair. "It's just one of those new hippie buzzwords that they're using now. Say something like that, and then all the health freaks here will go come running!"

"That's not all they'll be going nuts for!" Mabel excitedly hefted a large cardboard box from behind a pile of merchandise. Soos had barely set up a large rickety card table before she went to work. Humming a merry tune, she proceeded to meticulously set out a array of knit work.

"Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?" Stan demanded sharply. Mabel beamed as she showed of one the many fruits of her labor.

"Just getting ready for the customers. Marvelous Mabel's Hand-Knitted Headbands are now on the market, ready for-hey!"

Stan brushed everything back into the box with a sweep of his arm. He was a man with a plan, and his vision for healthy profits didn't include shenanigans like this.

"Grunkle Stan, what are you doing?" Mabel yelped. She scooped up an armful of her handicrafts and cradled them like they were her children.

"Sorry, but these gotta go." As he explained, he continued to envision hordes of gullible marketgoers swarming their stall. "I need as much display space as possible."

"But Grunkle Sta-aaaaan!" She immediately started to raise a mighty fuss. Clearly he wasn't the only one who had grand schemes. "This is the absolute perfect place to sell them! C'mon, just lemme put out a few! Please? Pleeeeease?"

"Nuh-uh." He grunted, unmoved by her pleas. "Look, when we've almost sold everything out, maybe then you can set out a couple of your little sweat bands, or whatever."

"Head bands!" She was getting increasingly indignant over the way he callously dismissed her hard work. "And why can't I sell some?"

"Sorry kiddo. You know your way around your artsy stuff, but I think we both know business ain't your strong point." He stated matter-of-factly.

"But this is different from running the Shack! I've learned things. Money-making things!" The spirited little preteen was not to be easily dissuaded, especially not after a week's worth of knitting. "And people are selling all kinds of different homemade stuff here. This is my element, Grunkle Stan. My element! This is Mabel's time to shine!"

Her passionate outburst earned her nothing more than a dismissive wave. "Go help your brother with the t-shirts."

The young girl hadn't come out here just to be robbed of her first chance to be a genuine entrepreneur. Mabel huffily shouldered her pin and sticker-studded backpack, scooped up the large box of knitwear and marched off.

"Fine! If you wanna be all Greedy McGreedster about it, then fine! Go ahead! She announced. "I'll just go and sell my awesome stuff somewhere else, then!"

"Yeah, sure. You go do that." Stan muttered distractedly. While the old man dug out a cash box that would hopefully be brimming soon. Dipper watched his twin troop off and start to set up in an empty spot between a vegetable vendor and an artisan cheese maker.

"Grunkle Stan..." His tone was thick with disapproval.

"It's business kid. I can't have her getting in the way." Stan explained dispassionately. "Besides, you know your sister. She'll hang out over there for a while, then get bored with her little game in half an hour, tops."

"Not if that keeps happening." Wendy raised an arm and pointed. The others turned just in time to watch a young woman pass several crisp dollars into Mabel's hand before walking off with a new headband. Grinning triumphantly, the young girl glanced their way and waved the money high in the air.

"Check it out! Mabel Pines, professional knitter!" She whooped shrilly. Stan however was unimpressed.

"Hhmph! Well of course one or two rubes are gonna buy from her." The experienced conman retorted. "She's got the whole cutesy angle going for her. Trust me though, that schtick won't last for long."

"You sure?" Dipper watched another potential customer approach his sister.

"Oh yeah, positive. Okay, now look alive!" He clapped his hands sharply. "We're officially open for business!"

As the others took their places, he straightened out their sign, then sat down in a folding chair. His old knees bounced like they had a mind of their own thanks to the anticipation coursing through him. Stan chuckled with delight. "All right, hippies, show me what you got..."

An hour and a half passed. While the crowds' enthusiasm for all local produce and art hadn't abated in the slightest, the river of cash that Stan had envisioned had yet to start even trickling in. All around, stalls and stands were still brisk business, but the crew from the Mystery Shack still had yet to draw a single customer.

"...C'mon, c'mon." Stan grumbled under his breath as countless town residents passed them on by without giving so much as a second look. What was left of his patience continued to thin by the minute. "Yeesh! What's with these people?"

"Are they supposed to be mobbing us, or something?" Wendy didn't even look up as she idly texted on her phone.

"Well, why not?" He double-checked their sign. "It says it right here, plain as day! 'Organic!' These health freaks go absolutely crazy for that kind of stuff, don't they?"

Dipper looked at their array of paranormal-themed bric-a-brac, and although he wasn't sure why, he attempted to speak out again on behalf of reason. "Grunkle Stan, this is really not how it works."

"Sure it is! We're just not using the lingo for these granola-munchers. Soos!" The gentle giant stood to attention. "Fix the sign! Tell 'em...uh...tell 'em that everything's free-range. That's something they love, right?"

"Good thinking!" Soos readily agreed, and obediently sprung right into action. "That'll get the crowds moving, eh Stan?"

Stan honestly wasn't all that reassured by this sole display of enthusiasm. Unfortunately, a lack of business wasn't the only thing souring his previously high spirits. To add insult to injury, while they hadn't made so much as one cent, his niece meanwhile had been experiencing nothing but steady sales in plain sight. Not only was it a massive injustice, but it boggled his mind to no end as he watched her sell headband after headband.

Mabel met his curious gaze, and a\she promptly lit up with a smug smile. Stan harrumphed and hurriedly looked away, but it was too late. She had already put up a small glitter-splatted "Back in Five Minutes" sign, and was now skipping back over to her family and friends.

"Hey there, fellow entrepreneurs!" She chirped cheerily. "How goes it so far on your end of the business world? Hmmm? Rolling in the dough yet?"

Stan quickly snapped the cash box shut before she could take a triumphant peek into its pitiful emptiness. "Fine! We're doing just fine over here!"

"Awww! Slow day, huh?" Her bright eyes twinkled jubilantly. "Well, as the successful CEO of Marvelous Mabel's, maybe I can help. How about I give you guys over here a shot in the arm?"

She then shaped her little hand into gun, and poked him twice in the bicep. "Bang! Bang!"

As she exploded into laughter over her own silly joke, Stan shook his head and piled on the bitter sarcasm. "Very funny, kid. Very funny."

"Good, I thought so too!" She then cleared her throat before switching to a faux-seriousness tone. "However, I admit that more than just a casual visit. I'm here to make a proposal."

"You're done goofing around and want to come back?" Even before he was done talking, Stan realized he was being a little too optimistic.

"Oh, it's not for you." She grinned teasingly. The girl was enjoying every ounce of her newfound position of financial power. "I'm proud to announce that thanks to my runaway success, Marvelous Mabel's is expanding!"

She opened her sweater pouch to reveal a stunningly large stash of money. Stan was momentarily hypnotized by the gorgeous display.

"Wendy? Dipster? " Mabel asked courteously. "Would you like to join the Marvelous Mabel's team? We're hiriiiiiiiing!"

"What?" Her great-uncle snapped out his cash-induced stupor the moment she bean to filch his staff. "No, you...you can't do that! That's cheatin', kid!"

She ignored his protests with a fiendish smile. "Starting pay is ten dollars an hour!"

Teen and preteen both looked towards Stan for a counter offer, which he delivered with a harsh growl. "Join her and you're dead to me!"

"Wait, there's more! We give employee breaks, sick days, plus..." Mabel held up a small travel-sized first-aid kit and a toothbrush. "We also offer extremely generous medical and dental benefits!"

"Dead to me!" Stan reiterated stubbornly. The coveted two stared silently until the corners of their mouths began to curl, and soon they were wearing the same grin as his great-niece. Itwas infuriating smugness in triplicate.

"Being dead to someone, or ten bucks an hour...hmmm..." Wendy pretended to mull it over. "Whadya think, Dip?"

Dipper stroked his chin for few seconds, then held out his hand with a mock-serious nod. "Miss Pines, we humbly accept your offer."

"Welcome aboard!" They barely shook on it before they had to duck an incoming overpriced t-shirt.

"Traitors! You're all a bunch of traitors!" Stan hollared as the trio raced off, laughing like mad all the while. "Seriously, what the heck do you have that I don't?"

"I'm adorable and good at making awesome things! That's what I have!" Mabel happily high-fived herself.

Today's had officially gone from bad to worse. Now officially down three-quarters of his staff, the old man slumped heavily into his seat. "Gimme a break..."

"It's okay. I'm still here for you, Stan." The ever-loyal Soos slowly approached his boss, then gently wrapped a burly arm around his shoulder. "It's okay. They'll come...it'll be just like you said...shhhh...it's all right..."

"Oh, great," Stan shuddered as his remaining employee whispered soothingly into his ear. Rarely in his life had he felt so uncomfortable. "Yeah, this is exactly what I wanted..."

* * *

As the sun started to dip towards the horizon, the activity at the market began to slow. Many a vendor or local farmer had been all but cleaned out for the day. The Mystery Shack's stall however still remained hopelessly packed with unsold merchandise.

"C'mon! You people love this stuff!" Stan persisted desperately to a wandering passerby. By this point he had gone from bitter to desperate. "Our stuff is all-natural! It's organic! It's...uh...vegetarian? Yeah, no meat here! Don't you want a few meat-free shirts? Some all-natural hats? Uh...tree-hugging snowglobes? How about our special healing crystals? Eh? Eh?"

He held up the small back of broken glass, but still, there were no takers. As he slumped his shoulders, Soos reared up behind with amazing stealth for a man of his chunky build.

"It's all right, Mr. Pines." Soos assured with a reassuring smile. "At least I understood your vision."

"Aw, knock it off." Stan sighed as the unfortunate truth became all too clear. Today had been nothing short of a spectacular bust. "Get your truck and start packing up. We're done here."

"You got it! We'll get them next time, you'll see!" The roly-poly fellow gleefully went to work, as Stan marched off to where the twins and their teenage friend lounged by a near-empty box of depleted stock. He could accept when a venture had failed. However, what he wouldn't accept the fact that while his plan had gone down in flames, a goofy little twelve-year-old had made off like an absolute bandit.

"All right," He growled as he approached his great-niece's operation. "You got some explainin' to do, Little Miss Rainbows. Something smells fishy about this, and I should know. I've been fleecin' since before you were even-"

If he thought he was going to make a fearsome impression, he was sorely mistaken. He was cut off in mid-rant when a middled aged woman cut ahead of him. "Excuse me honey, but what's this you're selling here?"

Stan found himself silenced in mid-rant. Without even giving him a glance, Mabel gestured curtly for him to be patient as she tended to business. The girl took a deep breath, then launched zealously into her pitch.

"These? Why, they're only one of the best purchases that you'll make alllllll day! Probably all week! Maybe all month!" She explained, turning on the charm as high as she could. "It's Marvelous Mabel's Hand-Knitted Headbands! They're colorful, they're adorable, they're super-stylish, and they're simply all the rage here in town! That's not all though! It gets even a billion times better than that. Each one of our products is crafted with two-hundred percent cruelty-free wool!"

"Wait, what?" Stan cocked an eyebrow at this ridiculous claim. For the customer however, it was quite the selling point, She gripped her purse tightly and gasped in delight.

"Really? Oh, how wonderful!"

"Uh-huh!" The young girl smilingly continued. "The wool in these headbands came from sheared sheep. It didn't hurt the little guys one bit! And because it's crafted here locally and not factory-made, we have a very tiny, itty-bitty, teensy-weensy carbon footprint. You buy one of these, and it's like you're saving a piece of the rainforest. Just think about it! One purchase, and you rescue part of the world!

Mabel's grin stretched wider as she finally topped off her spiel with the icing on the cake. "Plus, for every one that you buy, we donate some of our profits to underprivileged teens."

"I sure could use more privileges all right." Wendy spoke up as she lazed nearby in the grass. At this point, the woman had been expertly reeled in, hook, lone and sinker. Now whipped up into a minor frenzy, the woman couldn't have dug out her wallet any faster.

"Well, I'm sold!" She happily announced. "Give me two of those lovely orange ones."

Mabel nodded to her brother, who brought out two pieces of hand-crafted product. Money was exchanged, and the sale was made. The little professional bid adieu with a cheery wave while Dipper divvied up their latest profit. "Bye-bye! Thanks for doing your part for the planet!"

Stan's jaw dropped. The entire thing had been a textbook display of both showmanship and chicanery the likes of which he hadn't seen in ages. His wrinkled lips flapped, but it was a few moments until genuine words tumbled out.

"Cruelty free wool? Rainforest?" He sputtered incredulously. "That...that was some of the biggest load of hooey I've ever heard."

"Of course it's all gonna sound silly." Mabel sound as sweet and unapologetic as could be. "But that's the way you gotta play them, Grunkle Stan. It's not just about knowing all the lingo, it's using it right."

"You...you little...sneak." He gasped, barely able to believe what he was hearing. The old man glared so fiercely that he nearly bore a hole straight through her. "You've been duping people all afternoon, haven't you?"

"Yeah...and?" She asked with a toothy smile. Stan silently stared hard into her eyes for a few seconds. Soon, it all became too much for him to hold back. His resistance collapsed with mad fit of gruff laugher.

"Ha! I love it!" He slapped his knee with delight. "Love it! Takin' one straight outta your great uncle's playbook! Haha!"

Ignoring the old bones that cracked and creaked in protest, he bent down and swung the twelve-year-old up into his arms. Mabel giggled like mad as he proudly wrapped her in a warm hug.

"Told you I learned some things! And I learned from the best!" She boasted adorably before tossing her arms about his the two grifters shared a heartwarming moment, Wendy and Dipper curiously watched on from only a few feet away. The teen sat up and flashed her young friend a wicked smile.

"You know your entire family's a bunch of crooks, right?" she teased.

Dipper shrugged it off and went back to counting up their healthy profits. "At least one of them pays well..."


End file.
